purpose

I'm sorry if you've jumped on here the last couple of weeks and saw the same post sitting at the top of the page.  Over the last couple of weeks I've found myself up many nights trying to figure out how I could make some money blogging and in doing that it sent me on a struggle within myself to try and figure out why I stay home with my kids and why I even blog in the first place.

It all began when I started feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with our finances.  Every month there is a pile of bills and every time Thomas gets a paycheck we're left with very little (and I mean very little) to live with.  If I could just bring home some money then maybe we wouldn't be struggling is what I began to think.  I started looking for a job, but every time I jumped on the computer to search I heard God say, "You are right where I want you, doing what I want you to do."  But God....  if only...

Then I started to think fine if God wants me here at home then maybe there is something I can do at home and still get paid for it.  Ah ha!  The blogging world.  But again with every new money making blog thing I found that voice again would say " NO SARAH!  You are right where I want you, doing what I want you to do."  But God... if only...

Then one night God hit me upside the head and I must say it didn't feel very good, but I got the message.  I'm not a night owl.  I cannot stay up very late.  My brain shuts down at 9 o' clock and it's very hard for me to function.  However, on this particular night I was somehow able to stay up until well past midnight in the blogging, money making world  (Please, don't get me wrong.  If you make money with your blog, awesome.  This is just my story and what I felt God was saying to me.) and I could see that I was hurting my family.  Thomas wanted to talk to me that night and I just kept ignoring him.  I don't remember saying good night to Garrison.  I think when he came over to give me a hug and a kiss I kept both eyes on the computer and didn't give him my full attention.  When I finally put the computer down and went to bed Thomas was already asleep.  Thomas and I have been married for a little over 6 years and in all that time I can count on one hand when that happened and it was probably because he was sick.  I could finally see that in wanting to help my family I was actually hurting them.  I'm sure if I could have balanced my time better and not got so wrapped up in wanting to make money that I could probably pull it off, but God used that night to help me understand that he did indeed have me exactly where he wants me, doing exactly what he wants me to do.

I've always known why I stay home, but now I can say, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I need to be.  There isn't anywhere I'd rather be.  I'm trying to find better ways to get things done, balance my time and take care of my family because they are my job.

As for my blog, I will continue to use it to keep family and friends up-to-date with our lives and hopefully be an encouragement along the way.